you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
