You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
