please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
