i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
