Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
