I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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