spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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