Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
