is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
