I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
