he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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