I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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