The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
