Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
