respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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