he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
