If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
