Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
