saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
