Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
