plz talk dirty to me
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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