arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
