I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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