so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
