I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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