i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
