my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
