You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
