I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
