3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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