the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Do you remember whose house we're in?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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