it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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