it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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