I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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