you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
