Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You need a sexual gate keeper
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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