i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I could fuck to npr.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
