They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
