we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
