Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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