Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
