Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
