Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
