Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We left an ass print on the piano.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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