Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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