Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
