Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
