He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
