My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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