I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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