I puked a lego.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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