ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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