dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There r osticjed everywhere
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
